new song feedback welcome


jamen
Registered User
Joined: 06/14/07
Posts: 8
jamen
Registered User
Joined: 06/14/07
Posts: 8
07/17/2007 2:51 pm
Land before you fall

You try not to show it’s happening again but it’s written all over your face
It’s the fire in your eyes that’s been missing for a while
And the company that you keep seem to take up all your time
In the coldness of you’re mind you saw the moon shine

You tried not to feel it you tried not to fall
The consequence you’re feeling your backs against the wall
And it’s holding you down it’s gripping you tight like a magnet,
In the mists of your wilderness tired and fraught
The cold air disorientates the warm blooded thought
And it’s grinding you down relieving you of your senses

But the wires of love and praise bridged the gap to different waves
Coinciding with hating, distrusting and silence to date, its no good if you’re stuck in the woulds
Overwhelming, contentment they’ll be no resentment, is the thought of today if you’re coming this way

You try not to show it’s happening again but it’s written all over your face
It’s the fire in your eyes that’s been missing for a while
And the company that you keep seems to take up all your time
In the coldness of your mind you saw the moon shine

You try to unload it you try to walk tall
You hope with this weightlessness you’ll land before you fall
And it’s perking you up its making you feel like your breathing,
In the coldness you suffered battered and torn
The elements take no prisoners but you soldiered on
And it made you aware it gave you a sense of some freedom

You’re not weary anymore since you kicked down the demonic door
Satisfying a changing you’re trusting and talking again, it’s the proof that you need no excuse
Comprehending the language no misunderstandings, it’s crazy to think that you once felt dismayed
# 1
DAMAGED ONE
Registered User
Joined: 01/22/06
Posts: 894
DAMAGED ONE
Registered User
Joined: 01/22/06
Posts: 894
08/08/2007 2:33 pm
I like it but it sure seems like a lot of words to remember :eek:
The Mind Is A Terrible Think To Waste.
# 2
iiholly
hmm
Joined: 07/29/02
Posts: 2,368
iiholly
hmm
Joined: 07/29/02
Posts: 2,368
08/08/2007 4:26 pm
"The cold air disorientates the warm blooded thought" Really liked that line. I thought it was all around good. It'd be interesting to hear it.

"You try to unload it you try to walk tall
You hope with this weightlessness you’ll land before you fall"

Really like that as well.

# 3
jamen
Registered User
Joined: 06/14/07
Posts: 8
jamen
Registered User
Joined: 06/14/07
Posts: 8
08/14/2007 11:53 am
hi

thanks for the feedback its appreciated.
DAMAGED ONE i cant help but write that way, its a pain sometimes remembering all the words but its seems thats the way i have to do it.

iiholly thanks for replying. iv recorded most of my songs but until im happy with my guitar playing i think i'll be keeping them to myself.
i wish i could play guitar as good and as fast as i write the lyrics but i have to settle with what i can do for the moment.
thanks for the feedback.
# 4

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